I have been reflecting a lot lately on, well, everything. One of the concepts I have really struggled with is the idea that you can create a certain portion of your own reality. You have heard the adage "Dress for the job, you want not the job you have?" Well, at 45 years old I think there is some deep wisdom to that.
After a lifetime of being a low flying, self-effacing, humble soldier in the blue collar world I am from, I can see where my slacker chic has informed my status. I'm not a great salesman, and even worse at self promotion. Its a defense mechanism for most of us - the ability to point out our shortcomings before others have the chance to devastate us with critique. In fact, a lot of us may have invented weaknesses in order to deflect that same criticism.
Anyway, I have started to wonder if about every shortcoming in my life is in some way related to how I was "dressed." My attitude, my screen printed T shirts, by choice of hobbies... all of these things painted a picture that became Carl. The harsh truth is very few people will spend an ounce of energy to dig through the facade and discover who Carl really is.
Working on putting a better image forward. More professional, more confident, and as honest as always but with a little more reserve. More on this as the situation develops.
One of the frequent frustrations I have with tabletop gaming is how min/maxy and rules-strict they tend to be, especially for a hobby that is ultimately mostly random. I can trace a direct line from my love of D&D and subsequent RPGs to where the flame died. It didn't have as much to do with the discovery of the opposite sex as it did the increase of crunch and death of narrative.
As a writer, I want to be part of a story (or tell a story, as a DM). I expect this as a core requirement in all my gaming, be it video games or skirmish style miniature games. This is why I think Fortnite, despite being just another FPS, snagged me. The world tells a narrative, even though the game itself is a bunch of kids hopping and shooting.
I mention Skirmish gaming because its something I enjoy. Strike that, its something I enjoy imagining the ideal version of. Every several years I get sucked into Warhammer and get caught up in the fluff only to find the same dead-ends waiting. One, the cost. Two, the planned obsolescence. And three, and most pertinent to this post, the lack of narrative in some games. Rolling fistfuls of d6 determined most closely to the amount of dollars spent was a narrative I do not enjoy in my hobby life. I'm already keenly aware of the dagger of socio-economics, thank you.
I have broken my vow and given game design another crack. I am at a spot where I am between novels. I have one at a publisher, one rough draft finished and ready for revision, and a third started. It was as good of time as any to try this ttrpg thing once more. I have decided to design a skirmish game, one with a world I can write stories in as well as share as a sandbox with any willing gamer. The core of the game will be based on the ability to tell a story, both in the theater of the mind as well as with the components on the table. Best of all, you can use about anything you care to for miniatures and terrain - limited only by your imagination.
I will be writing more about this project in the time to come.
I am currently hoping to resurrect this blog, as well as my writing career. COVID-19 happened fast and it murdered a lot of my momentum and motivation. I'm in the rebuilding phase now, so I need to get back out there and build my presence from scratch. So watch this space, I will be posting much more often than I have been.
Lake Lord Publishing
A home for the projects of Carl D. Smith - writer, dad, pharmacist, substitute teacher, Chicago Cubs & Dead Milkmen fan. Consistently clever, occasionally humorous, intermittently productive. Proud native of